About This Time Last Year:

When He Grows Up

Oliver adores his two grandpas. He is crazy about them.

Recently, Oliver was talking to his plushy zebra friend, Balloon Face...

Excitedly, he said, "Did you know that when I grow up I will be a grandpa!"

This was quickly followed by a disgruntled, "but I will have to be a dad first."

Grandpa Than and Grandpa Mike are Oliver's favorite humans on the planet.

They have taught him that grandpas are fun. They always, always, always play with you. Grandpas are handy. They have "magic tools" and gadgets that can fix anything. Grandpas are thoughtful. They will read you books, and stop by just to say hello and take you on a walk. They drive trucks. They are strong. They tell excellent stories and can keep up with four year old imaginations. They are not burdened by human limitations. There is nothing they cannot do.

In Oliver's world, Grandpas are simply the best and he honestly wants nothing more than to be one himself.  

The Story Of Jesse's Life: In Which I Feed Him Cat Food

Sometimes, when I'm tired and wait too long to start dinner (as in it's 7 pm and I haven't even decided what to make) I whip out a can of something hiding in the basement storeroom.

Usually it is tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, but I was feeling too lazy to even make a few grilled cheesies...don't judge me. You've probably been there.

Last night, it was No Bean Chili with corn bread from the freezer.

Neither of us thought it was overwhelmingly appetizing...or healthy.

When we blessed it, we asked that it would please sustain our tummies until we could eat something healthier. We knew we had no business asking for it to "nourish and strengthen" us when it clearly was not full of nutrients.

Jesse accused me of feeding him cat food. 

He wasn't far off base.

Put it on a chili dog, though, and we are all in!

An Explanation...Why It Has Been Sparse In These Parts

I made two choices last year that I am proud of.

I chose to take less pictures, and blog less often.*

Very early in the year, I realized that I didn't have enough time, brain capacity, talent, or hands to take photographs of my family and organize/record my thoughts in a way that pleased me.

Let me explain:

I had a new Alice and an agitated Oliver. Jesse was either gone or studying most of the time. I was tired. So tired. I dealt with my anxiety/baby blues/angsty three year old by playing with my friends (and using them for their three year olds) more often than I care to admit. 

My schedule was hectic, my house was in shambles, my brain was beyond muddled, and my emotions were out of balance. There was a lot going on and I was not processing life very effectively.

Things were a little bit desperate, but my life was also exquisite and so beautiful...

I found that I was completely charmed by my beautiful, Sweet Baby Alice. And by charmed, I mean ENTIRELY ENAMORED. I couldn't find words strong enough to describe the way I loved her without sounding trite. I've never wanted so badly to be a poet. However, when I took her picture, all I saw was the tiny crazy haired old man that everyone else saw. The magic was gone.

I often marveled at Oliver's eyelashes fluttering in the sunlight as he played, and his squeaky little voice serenading me with his favorite nonsense words. I was so enchanted by him! And then I took a photo and found that my messy house and bad lighting did not fade away in real life as they did in my mind. Clearly, they were not as bewitched by him as I was.

I started to become preoccupied with getting perfect photos and writing exceptional passages about my family that reflected the magnitude of what I felt for them. I was lucky, and achieved what I was hoping for once in a while. I write well enough on a good day, but I am no photographer, and these were not all good days. Mostly, I was disappointed. I was still anxious. I had very little patience, and I was unhappy, Which made everyone in the town home on Millstone Court unhappy.

One day, I decided to stop. I found myself staring into my baby's deep blue eyes, reaching for camera to take the twentieth picture that I would be less than pleased with, when a quiet voice told me to leave it. 

"Just be here. Now," it said softly.

I realized that I could constantly view my lovely little world through the tiny squares on my phone or camera, and I would end up with more photos than I could look at in a day, but I would miss the real thing.

I could either experience the magnificence of the moment, or I could preoccupy myself with thoughts of immortalizing it forever and miss the point.

I began to make conscious choices each time I thought to reach for a camera or compose a blog post in my head. I evaluated each situation. I still took photos (mostly I asked others to take photos for me), and recorded a few of our family's experiences, (usually a couple of months weeks later...adjusting the date so it looked like I was on top of life. Don't judge me.)

But mostly, I chose to be all there.

This was sometimes difficult for me. Keeping a meaningful record of my life is important to me...it is important to my family! Oliver loves to see photos and hear stories from when he was younger, and there I was, intentionally not telling his stories or taking his picture for long periods of time. There were times when I questioned myself. I have a terrible memory, and sometimes I worried about the things I would inevitably forget.  There were times when I wondered if I was really making the right choice.

One day in August, I was at an art museum on the Mall with Heather and we saw a curiosity that put my whole inner struggle into perspective. There was an original painting by a very famous historical painter (maybe Van Gogh? I can't remember. I told you, I'm forgetful), and people were crowded around it looking at it through the display on their phones so that they could take the perfect picture of the previously mentioned ORIGINAL work of art! We couldn't fathom why someone would waste such an opportunity.  

It was bizarre, but it reassured me that choosing to enjoy the magnificence of my life, and my babies, and my experiences in real time...not through the little screen on my camera, was a choice that I could live with. And so, I am grateful for those crazies and their phones at the art museum that day. 

I am also grateful that I can say, without a doubt, that 2014 was crazy wonderful. It was difficult, emotional, and often kind of ugly. It was also dazzling and intensely beautiful in so many wonderful ways, and I lived it deliberately.

Lastly, I'm grateful to know that the Holy Ghost can bring all things to our remembrance, so if there does come a day that I mourn the loss of memories of Alice's first year, and Oliver's fourth, I can seek comfort and inspiration.

This year, I'm so happy to announce that I'm finally feeling like myself again. I worry less, and I no longer catch myself obsessing about unimportant things as frequently as last year. I expect 2015 to be lovely, and I'm looking forward to photographing and recording my favorite parts.

*This is not to say that others who take many pictures and record their experiences each day are wrong, or that I will continue to make similar choices in the future. Only that last year, for whatever reason, it was right for me.   

Merry Christmas!

Oh Christmas Tree

We found a gorgeous tree for our living room this holiday season, but it spent much of its life propped up on the back of our couch, because of some tree stand drama.

There were no live tree stands in town. The hardware store said to wait a few days and they would have something. They didn't.

We don't live close enough to anywhere to just pop into another store and check for one.

I ordered one from Amazon. They canceled my order because they had miscounted their stock. They were out.

We finally made a trip to Salt Lake where we were able to buy one from Lowes.

Our home is now officially festive.

Tree Hunting

Mike and Jacque took us on our first Christmas Tree hunting adventure. It was a glorious day and we came home victorious. Our first real Christmas tree is lovely! 

9 Months:Pigtails

On the 4th, I celebrated the fact that Alice has been in our lives for 9 long months. This means that she has officially been "out" for as long as she was "in," and that's a big deal in my book.

This past month, I've been amazed at how old my sweet baby is getting. She crawls. She can feed herself. She'll even wave to you if she's in the mood. It should also be noted that Oliver almost obsessed with giving her walking lessons. 

Also, now that she's been around for nine months, her already unruly hair (aka: Alice's Baby Mullet) has reached a level of ridiculous that is no longer endearing. Pigtails are definitely in our future. 

Alice: Months 7 and 8

In true, second child fashion, I have provided no official monthly update for Alice for the past couple of months. I also haven't taken many pictures of her. I'm feeling sort of sick about those two facts.

Just know that she and her continually crazy hair were simply adorable.

She started to roll. That made things interesting.

She learned to sit. It took her some time (as in, well meaning people were constantly asking me how old she was, and then why she wasn't sitting yet, and then telling me how petite she was, asking me if she was meeting her milestones, telling me stories about how their friend's cousin's brother's baby was diagnosed as failure to thrive but they turned out ok, and generally freaking me out), but she learned and all is well.

We started to feed her real food. She loves it so much that she yells at us when we don't shovel it into her pretty little mouth fast enough. We also started feeding her bottles full of thick, nutritious formula, because I was tired of having hourly anxiety about whether she was actually growing or not. She grew.

She grew two teeth, and was very amicable about the whole thing.

She has continued to enjoy daily mauling by her brother. Every day I watch them interact and think "surely, today is the day she will be squished or broken," so I pester Oliver to be gentle and then negates everything I say by laughing... She loves it. 

She started scooting, and pulling herself up onto the furniture, and climbing over barricades, and constantly reinforcing the importance of baby proofing our home, which we still have yet to really do. She can crawl, but she chooses not to. She is still happy and easy going. There are members of our family that insist that they have never heard her cry, and while we know better, we have to admit that it could be much, much worse.

 

Apple Picking

Somewhere just outside Blanding, there is a family owned Apple Orchard that Jacque told us about. So, one sunny Saturday in September, we went adventuring.

The Story of Jesse's Life: Epic Box Fort

Our Blanding House

"Blanding House." Illustrations by Oliver J.

This is the way that the house looked when our landlords sent pictures over the summer. Oliver added pictures of our family living there and taking care of it. One day, when we finally have some furniture and decorate the place, we'll post some real pictures. For now, it looks pretty similar to this.

That is Jesse working on the roof, and either me or Oliver is talking to him while he works.

This is Oliver sleeping in his new bed. Jesse and I actually took the room with the green grass carpet when we moved in, but Oliver didn't mind when he saw that the kids' room had hot lava carpet.

This is Jesse in the kitchen.

This is me in the kitchen mopping the floor.

This is Oliver outside playing with the hose.

It is an old house and has a few quirks, but it is a palace compared to the other places we have lived. We are very fortunate to have found such a great rental in Blanding. We anticipate that this will be our home for the foreseeable future.

Maryland Has Been So Good To Me

So... we're moving. 

Jesse was offered a job in Montezuma Creek, Utah. While South East Utah wasn't even on our radar, a PA recruiter called and the deal was just too sweet to pass up. We'll be living in Blanding, which is where Jesse grew up. It's a long ways away from anywhere, but we'll have family in town, so hopefully we won't ever feel too lonely. Also, now visiting my family won't require a trip through airport security and five hours in an airborne tube.

I have sold almost all of our furniture. Thank you Craigslist. I dejunked and donated crap that has taken up space in our home like my life depended on it (that was so exhilarating!). Thank you Purple Heart. We are loading everything up into a small pod and shipping it to Salt Lake City. Thank you ABF. 

Though there is still so much that I wanted to see and do, I have done my best to fit in a couple of last minute adventures with friends. I saw Mt. Vernon with Kimber and the Stams. It was breathtaking. And there was this video at the end of the museum...it was supposed to be serious, but I couldn't keep it together. It was so cheesy! And there was a children's choir, and, oh man! I took a kayaking historical tour of Annapolis with Kelli. DO IT! I went to the Naval Academy with Kimber. Jesse and I went to fancy lunch at Fogo de Chao and my taste buds will never, ever be the same. 

This evening, the Stams, Hewitts, and Wrights fed us dinner. The young women came over and helped me clean our entire apartment (many hands make extremely light work, thank you ladies!) and a couple of friends stopped by with treats and "It was so nice to know you" gifts. I know it is cliche to say this, but I cried an awful lot. 

I have to admit that I am a little bit heartbroken over this. I know it is a wonderful opportunity for Jesse and our family. I am confident that we are making the right choice. However, I LOVE Maryland.

 I love that I can go to sightseeing at the drop of a hat. I love the history and culture here. I love the convenience of living in such a large city. I love the trees. I love my ward. I love, Love, LOVE my friends. 

I felt so extraordinarily loved in this place. 

The Story of Jesse's Life: PA {almost} C, MMS

A few weeks ago, Jesse was getting ready for PA school graduation and showing Oliver his fancy new lab coat, with his name embroidered above the breast pocket.

"Jesse Moses PA-C, MMS"

(that means : Physician Assistant - Certified, Master of Medical Sciences)

"But I'm not a PA-C yet." Jesse explained, "Not until I pass my boards."

Then Oliver, who was clearly listening attentively, chimed in saying, 

"That's right! And you are not BAF or a MMG"



Jesse took the Physician Assistant Certifying Exam (PANCE pronounced "Pants") today. This test has given the boy nightmares for the past few months, and we are all so grateful it is over. We should know the results within the next two weeks.

Kinder Farm

When a trip to the Arboretum with the Kelley's fell through because of weird business hours and calendar confusion, we took a trip to the Kinder Farm. Also, there was Taco Bell. I LOVE Chalupas.

One Last Trip to Alex's Beach

Jesse's friend Alex (and his wonderful family) have access to a community beach and pool in Annapolis that they have been kind enough to invite us to. We have loved going. Gail invited us to go again one last time before the end of the summer. We had a ball.

Oliver loved the beach, but hated the water. And it took THREE WHOLE HOURS to get him into the swimming pool. Alice hated the beach but loved the pool.

It was a fantastic day with Gail! And she sent us home with cookies and home grown vegetables at the end of it. She spoils us.  

Heather Came To MD and We Took a Million Pictures - Monuments at Night

Heather came for a short visit, and we made the most of her time here...or tried to anyway. We took scooters to the National Mall and saw the monuments at night. They were breathtaking. And slightly blurry...

Just so you know, almost all of the pavement on the National Mall is textured...which is an observation that never even crossed my mind until I was scootering. It was a rather jarring... Still, it was exceptionally faster than walking, and therefore, excellent!